Grandpa

What does one say about someone they've loved all their life?  It is hard to put thoughts into words sometimes, because the loss, no matter how expected, still stings.  

I always remember thinking how tall grandpa was when I was a child.  Probably a strange observation, but for some reason, I had it in my head from an early age that grandparents were small.  He wasn't small.  He was tall and thin and his gray (and then white) hair always made him look handsome and dignified.  I remember being proud that he was a pharmacist and helped people.  He woke up early and worked hard.  He was important and important to me.  He loved us and our family and grandma.  Their marriage was always filled with laughter and love and was a great example and inspiration.  When grandma passed a bit unexpectedly, the first thing he said was that he was glad she wasn't in pain anymore.  He wasn't thinking of himself or how much it hurt him; he was thinking of her and how she was at peace now.  That is love.

When I think of Grandpa, I will always remember his optimism.  It could be 7am or 10pm and when we walked in the door, he always greeted us with a chipper "hello" and a smile.  I never saw him angry or impatient.  He always had kind words and a good heart.  He loved us and he loved the girls.  I wish he had gotten to meet Logan.  I had set up a visit with him for Friday so he could meet Logan but he never got the chance.  I know he would have loved him just as much as he loved the girls.

There are million more things I could say about him, a million little ways that he showed love to all of us, but it is hard to pull those thoughts into words right now, so I'll leave with this saying from Steven Colbert, whose mother also passed this week: “I know it may sound greedy to want more days with a person who lived so long. But the fact that my mother was 92 does not diminish it; it only magnifies the enormity of the room whose door has now quietly shut.” It is a hard thing to lose someone you love, even if they had a full and wonderful life.  Until we meet again, I love you grandpa.  I hope you are enjoying dancing with grandma in heaven.  Tell her we love her too.

Halloween 2011

Glasses for Hannah

Last year at Hannah's eye doctor appointment, they told her she was borderline on needing glasses, so I figured there was a good chance she would need them this year.  When I tried to talk to her about it in advance to prepare her for the possibility of glasses, she was not happy at all.  In fact, the last time I attempted to talk to her about them (2 weeks ago), she yelled at me that I was "freaking her out" and could I "please stop talking about it" before shutting herself in her room and refusing to come out until I dropped it.  Well okay then.  I had an eye doctor appointment right around that time so I was at least able to warn Dr. Fiddler that she was not going to be happy about needing glasses.  I brought her a little early, hoping that we could look at how cute they were and she'd come around but she refused to even discuss it when we got there and I had paperwork to fill out (plus a hungry baby) so I let it go.  Dr. Fiddler checked her eyes and gave me the sign that she was going to need glasses.  No big surprise.  We finished everything else in the appointment before he broke the news to her, quickly adding that there were lots of cute glasses to choose from and she only had to wear them to read things at a distance, like the whiteboard at school.  He said that it was funny that she didn't want them because glasses are "in" right now and he has a lot of kids disappointed that they don't need them.  Anyway, she looked a tiny bit upset but quickly rallied as he took her out to show her the options.  Once she found out that she was going to be allowed to pick out any pair she wanted (and her sister wanted them but couldn't have them), she definitely perked up.  By the time she narrowed it down from 6 choices to her favorite pair, she was actually pretty excited.  They are purplish pink rounded off rectangle wire frames with plastic sides pieces that have flowers and a butterfly.  She loved them and spent the rest of the week asking when they would come in.  They finally came in today and we went over to pick them up.  Here she is (Hailey looks less than thrilled because she is still upset that she can't have glasses, although I assured her in this family she will definitely need them eventually - she even asked if we'd buy her a pair for her birthday):

She is excited to show all her friends and teachers at school on Monday!

2 Months

At one month, Logan was 12lbs 1oz and 22 inches.  At two months, he is 13lbs 15oz and 24 inches.  He is growing so fast already!

Hearing Test and Heart Echo

Logan had a few tests this week to follow up on some medical concerns.

His first test was a heart echo.  At his one month appointment, the doctor heard what she called a "significant sounding heart murmur."  Give a mommy a heart attack!  She did explain that it could still be an innocent murmur (Hailey had one of those until she was 2) but that we needed to do a heart echo.  We did that Tuesday at Community North and everything went great.  He was a little fussy after just laying there for a half hour while they did the ultrasound on his heart so I fed him and we got back to business.  The doctor called an hour later (which actually scared me because I thought it meant something was wrong) and she said that it looked fine.  There was a small hole between the top two chambers but sometimes that just doesn't close before birth like it should (innocent murmur - they really need a different name for this).  She said that the hole was small and no blood was being transferred, so we would just keep an eye on it.  If it is an innocent murmur, it will close on its own.  If they continue to hear it, we may end up seeing a cardiologist later. For now though they are not concerned, which is great.

His second test was a hearing test.  At the hospital, he failed his newborn hearing screening twice in both ears.  I was a bit concerned because he wasn't reacting to sound at all, but then the pediatrician came and looked in his ears and told us she couldn't see his eardrums at all because of all the gunk in there (since he was a c-section, it didn't get squeezed out by the birth process like normal).  I felt less concerned after that - of course he would fail his hearing test if you can't even see his eardrums.  By his first doctor visit, the doctor could see one eardrum.  By his next visit, she could see both.  He seemed to be reacting to sound, but the Department of Health insists that you redo the screening so we did that yesterday at St. Vincent's.  He was perfect for this test.  I fed him and he fell asleep and stayed asleep the entire time, which is exactly what they wanted.  They had things hooked up to his ears and forehead and watched for brainwave reactions to the sounds they put in his ears.  He passed the test with flying colors - no concerns, no follow-up needed.

Stepping back and looking at him overall - so healthy, gaining weight, hitting milestones - I knew logically that he'd probably be fine but it is always scary when it is your own baby.  So glad his tests went so well!