Rolling In The Fun

It's so fun to watch the kids play together:

Gigi

Grandma ("Gigi" as my affectionately kids called her) always loved reading my blogs. Well grandma, this one is for you.




It is strange because one week ago I wrote a long post about how upset I was that we lost our kitty and today I am writing an even harder post about losing my grandma. In some ways, I feel bad because I wrote this long tribute to the cat and I was worried that this wouldn't be as long, but then I realized that last week's post was merely a summary of 8 years and there is no way I could ever summarize the more than 80 wonderful years that my grandma lived. So much of her time was before I got here, but suffice it to say that she was and always will be one of the people I loved most in this lifetime.

I have so many good memories of her from my childhood that I could fill hundreds of pages but for selfish reasons, I will keep most of those memories for my own. I will say that my overall favorite memories include making peanut butter cookies, feeding the ducks, and going to flea markets with her. More recently, it has been an absolute joy to watch her with my children. She loved the girls and made sure to tell me every time that we came over how great it was to see me and to see them. My favorite memory was this past summer, when we sat out on the porch and drank tea while she watched them play and read books to them. She came to Hannah's school nights, laughed at their costumes on Halloween, and even when she was sick at the end, she was still worried about what the kids would like for Christmas. That was the last time we saw her - Christmas. I felt bad because she wasn't feeling well, and we didn't want to tire her out, so we left early. I was going to call her this week to come over this week or next but I never got the chance. I guess in the end, we are all left wishing for one more day. I would have settled for an hour or a few minutes but I suppose that's just not how these things happen sometimes. The last thing I said to her was "I love you grandma" but I would have loved to tell her one last time just how much I loved her and admired her and how I always thought the world of her. I think she knew those things though, even if I didn't get to say it to her one last time. I am comforted that she got to see us one last time, even if we didn't get to see her. Just a few minutes before she left this world, grandma got to watch the video from Matthew's wedding and everyone said she was laughing and smiling. I think it was divine intervention that she got that last wish - no one, including the doctors, knew that she was that bad and my parents brought that video as an after-thought. It was something to do in the hospital while she waited for her procedure, which never happened, so she could go home.

I am heartbroken for grandpa. How hard must it be to love someone for 63 years and say goodbye? He is sad but keeps saying that he is happy for her because she didn't suffer a long drawn-out goodbye like so many cancer patients endure. That shows the type of man he is and I love, admire, and think the world of him too.

I know I should have known this was coming, but I still feel shocked and grief-stricken that she is gone. I am trying now to focus now on the life she lived. It was full of love and laughter and family and friends. Friends have often told me that they are jealous of the relationship I have with all of my grandparents because most of them lost most of their grandparents young or never knew them well. How many people can say they had all their grandparents still here when they were in their 30s? How many people can say that they loved all four of their grandparents so deeply and knew their grandparents felt the same way? I know I am lucky in so many ways, but it makes saying goodbye even harder. I wouldn't change a thing about it though.

I think I have blogged about this before, but when we moved back here, it was specifically because of my grandparents. They showed me what a grandparent is supposed to be to a grandchild. We had such a loving relationship with them growing up that I wanted that for my kids and our parents. All of them have influenced and touched me in a way that can't be matched. In the end, my grandma didn't let the cancer get the best of her and I believe that she left this world the way she lived it - with dignity and concern for others. She was trying to set up hospice care before leaving the hospital because she didn't want others to have to take care of her, although we all wanted to. I know God is taking care of her now.

I love you grandma and I miss you. You will always be in my heart and a part of me. You helped shape the person I am and this world, my world, is a better place because of you. I hope you are enjoying heaven, cancer-free and happy. Make sure you check in on the kids from time to time - they miss you too. All our love.

A New Do

Hannah and I both got haircuts that we haven't had a chance to show off. We got them the week before Christmas.

Hannah

Before:

After:

Me

Before:

After:

A Quick Update And A Tribute To Our Furry Baby

Well first of all, let me say that it has been a whirlwind around here. Since my last post, Christmas and New Year's have come and gone and so has our big vacation (Matthew's wedding) that we have been planning for the better part of a year. It's all been exciting and fun and I will get to posting all about those events some other day. Today though, I wanted to post about something else dear to my heart: a tribute to our first "baby," Lacey.

Lacey (Jan 2003 - Jan 2011)

Lacey was born somewhere around Jan 2003. We rescued her from a no-kill shelter in Oct 2003, when she was around 9 months old. We had just gotten married and Rob moved up to Michigan so I could finish my master's degree. We blew off an neighbor's invite to a University of Michigan football game that day to go with our friend Mark to pick her out. I had originally seen a picture of some tiny baby kittens on this shelter's website and I wanted one of those. When we got there, they said those kittens were not ready to leave their mother yet but we could wait if we wanted or we could look around at the other cats they had. We started looking around and found two beautiful long-haired cats, sitting contently while the other cats ran around acting crazy. They had been rescued from an overpass a few weeks prior. One was a boy, orange and white, and one was a girl, black, brown, and orange. Another man working there was looking at the cats and he wanted the orange and white one. I immediately liked the black, brown, and orange one so it seemed perfect. The lady offered to sell us both cats, since they were actually brother and sister, but we felt bad taking the cat that someone else wanted so we left with just the girl. We bought her a bunch of stuff - toys, a bowl, a carrier, etc - and loaded her up to take her home. She immediately liked our apartment and was comfortable there right away. We named her Lacey, because she seemed a little prissy the way she always sat around with her head held high, like she was a proud lion or something. She was so soft and furry but surprisingly big - she was quite a bit larger than all the other cats that had been around the same age and she would later grow into a large adult cat. She loved living in that apartment because it had stairs in the entry way and she would spend the day running up and down those stairs, after toys or anything. She also often leapt (or sometimes fell) off the half wall, down into the stairs and basically just thought the entire thing was great fun. She enjoyed crinkle toys, catnip, and feathers the most, spending hours playing. She also killed bugs, specifically spiders (which I am grateful for) and moths. She bonded the most with Rob because he didn't have a job immediately so spent all day with her but we both loved her. I remember that we were away for a weekend once and the apartment next to us caught on fire. Originally when my friend Megan had called to tell me, she wasn't sure if it was our apartment or the one next to us and I was so worried about Lacey until I found out she was okay. What a relief!

Within a year, we left Michigan and moved back home to Indiana. Lacey came with us, meowing a significant portion of the way there, and although none of us liked the next apartment very much (it was small, older, and there were annoying geese nearby), she did like to sit and watch the pond. That apartment was just a temporary situation until we found a house so we were only there for a short time. Then we moved again, this time to the home that we are currently in. The first night here, we moved in all her stuff and she walked around sniffing everywhere. She loved having stairs again, although she was older now and not quite as eager to run them. She walked in and out of rooms and eventually found her favorite spots. We started allowing her outside occasionally, although she was always an indoor cat and never stayed out for more than a few hours. She just loved the outdoors so much and immediately ran to any open window, so we liked being able to give her a little freedom.

She graciously accepted when the limelight moved away from her and on to our first baby, Hannah. She was curious but mostly kept her distance from the baby. Eventually, that baby became a toddler who tried to pet her often and she was not okay with that. She stayed away but as Hannah became a preschooler (and much less jerky with her motions), she started to let Hannah pet her more, although she has always preferred pretty much only Rob and me. Lacey and I bonded once I started staying home with Hannah and she was there, on my lap purring and comforting me when I miscarried. Hailey came along and again, Lacey mostly stayed away from her when she was a baby and toddler.

When Lacey got sick, she started bonding more with the kids. She would even go in their room and start sleeping there occasionally, although she hadn't done that before (she would sometimes go in the rooms during the day, especially if a drawer was open, but she never slept in there). The kids would laugh and laugh as she brushed her soft tail against them and Hailey had even learned "kitty" and "Lacey" and made a clicking noise to entice her over for a treat, which was an obsession for Hailey - she LOVED giving the cat treats.

Though she stayed away from them when they were younger, Lacey was very tolerant of the kids and they loved her. She has always been healthy, never needing to go to the vet except for yearly visits, so we expected to have her around for a long time. About 2 months ago, a mere 2-3 weeks after she passed her yearly physical with flying colors, she had a strange looking tooth. We took her back in, thinking somehow her tooth had gotten infected. We were shocked to find out that it was a tumor and heartbroken when it came back as aggressive cancer. They gave her 1-2 weeks to live, but she's a fighter and she stuck with us for 2 more months. Rob's brother watched her for us while we were gone on our trip and when we left, she was doing okay. When we came back, it was painfully obvious that she was no longer doing okay. With sad hearts, we took our sweet Lacey to the vet to be put down yesterday. Hailey obviously didn't understand (although she found the treats this morning and tried to call Lacey with them) but Hannah understood a little. She cried when I told her, asked why God couldn't heal Lacey, and told me that she loved Lacey, even though Lacey was sick. Me too, kiddo. Lacey is buried out front in by the porch because she loved sitting there the most.

Hannah is actually doing much better than Rob or I are doing. It's hard to believe she is gone. I keep thinking I hear her or expecting to see her and although she didn't always follow us from room to room, the house seems strangely empty without her. It's weird to see the laundry room without her things (since they have always been there from the moment we moved in) and there is no one to greet us at the door when we come home or to sit on the bed at night before I fall asleep. I don't even feel annoyed anymore about my scratched couch, just sad when I see it. We knew this day was coming but now that it is here, it breaks my heart. My kids won't remember her and it's hard to think of that since she was such a big part of our lives. I miss her. She was a part of our family and we loved her. She stuck it out until we got home from our trip so we got to say goodbye and we spent our last morning with her, holding her, petting her, and listening to her purr. It is a good memory.

I've talked a lot about the good times and here are a few other good memories of her in picture/video form. Unfortunately I don't have many pictures on this computer but maybe I can find her younger pictures and add them later.

One day, Hannah was playing with her umbrella and she came over and told me the cat stole it. I didn't believe her until I saw it for myself - Hannah had been playing close by and Lacey (annoyed at being disturbed from her cat nap) swiped at Hannah and caught the umbrella instead. We had a good laugh at the kitty holding the Hello Kitty umbrella:

Here she is in one of her most recent favorite past-times - getting treats from Hailey:

A little video of Hailey enjoying Lacey - you can even hear her say "see" which is how she says "Lacey":

You were a good kitty, Lacey, and we miss you. I hope heaven has a porch for you to sit on and a field for you to play in. We love you, bitty!